Not Just Another Post-Abortion Story

On February 13th, 2016 my husband and I welcomed to our family a little boy whose name is Elisha Kenneth. It was in that moment when everything changed for me. I was now and forever a Mom - capital "M".

One day I was driving to Church, same route I always take and I look in my rear view mirror at my son who knows of no malice he is simply sleeping away in his car seat with the sweetest and calmest face of content. In that moment it dawns on me. I love him so much.

I remember the feeling I had when I found out he was a real thing.

The feeling I had the moment I told his Father about him.

The feeling I had when I saw him for the first time. The first time I heard his heartbeat. The time we found out he was a he. The moment when we walked through the hospital doors knowing that when we walked out we would have a baby boy.

I had a rush of one feeling all in that moment while driving -- LOVE. And what followed afterward, nothing but sadness.

Sadness and guilt for the child that I didn't want - or that I thought I didn't want.

Abortion is not all it's built up to be by those who are pro-choice. It's not a simple act that once it is done it is finished and you will never have to think about it again. At least that was not the case for me. I also know I am not alone. Some memories I have from my teen years are slipping away slowly but this one sticks with me all the time.

Once last summer my Husband and I were travelling to Albany for something, I cannot remember exactly what and we decided to take the longer way traveling through Schenectady we passed a Planned Parenthood but it wasn't just a Planned Parenthood it was the Planned Parenthood that I walked into one April morning as a Junior in high school to terminate a pregnancy that I did not own up to. One that I ignored until I couldn't any more.

My heart sank in that moment just driving by and in that moment it was a rush of memories from that fatal day.  

This isn't just another post-abortion story.

I don't want any tears for myself. What I want is for people to recognize that abortion is not a simple task.

It will hit you at some point through your life. For myself, I lasted a year until I felt the rush of guilt and it was in that moment when I decided to find a Church because I needed God.

My life changed drastically after that, the Church I found is where I met my husband, it was where I got married and it was where my Husband and I left so he could begin his career as a Pastor himself. And now I am a Mom, to a sweet little Boy who has a brother or sister in heaven.

A baby no matter what gestational age is a real, living person. They have a heart beat, they have a soul, and to make a decision to terminate is  the equivalent of pulling a trigger. But there is hope for those who are going through Post-abortive syndrome and I would love to talk to you.

Those feelings I have for my Elisha are so intense. I wish I could look my 16 year old self in the face and explain that to her.

I'm using my voice now - I'm speaking up for what I now believe in.

Please share. If you know someone struggling with post-abortive syndrome please have them seek help.